The Shift Network Blog

The #1 Reason for Your Relationship Struggle (Singles and Couples!)
Marjorie MacIntosh
By Marjorie MacIntosh
Shift Team

Do you long for healthier, more loving relationships, yet find yourself overly focused on seeking approval from others or meeting another person’s needs… leading to frustration and resentment?     

Are you often dissatisfied with your partner’s ability to “meet” you and provide you with the love you desire? Do you then try to change them, to make them love you?  

You’re not alone...

According to Dr. Margaret Paul, the #1 cause of these feelings and behaviors is  self-abandonment.  

What does it mean to abandon yourself? And why does self-abandonment wreak so much havoc in your relationships or keep you from finding a partner?  

There are many ways that we abandon ourselves, according to Dr. Paul — including  ignoring our feelings, judging or criticizing ourselves, neglecting our basic needs (water, sleep, good nutrition) and turning to addictions of all types, from drugs to sex to food.  

We also abandon ourselves by blaming others for not making us feel safe, loved, etc. 

When we abandon ourselves in relationships, we’re expecting others to give us what we don’t give to ourselves, and likely what we didn’t receive growing up.    

And we actually attract people who meet our same level of self-abandonment...

So they’re unable to give us what we are looking for.  Similarly, we can’t possibly give them what they may desire in a partner.

All of this self-abandonment generates anger, stress, depression or anxiety, and feelings of disconnection from ourselves and the other person. 

The only antidote to self-abandonment is unconditional self-love, according to Dr. Paul, the bestselling author of Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?

After years of meeting with frustrated clients in her psychology practice, Dr. Paul developed the Inner Bonding process, to teach people how to love themselves unconditionally.  

The six-step process of Inner Bonding guides us to come back to ourselves, connect with a higher source of love and wisdom, and learn from and lovingly manage painful feelings.

During this powerful, 3-minute audio, Dr. Margaret Paul reveals the key to changing the way you show up in your relationships...

Don’t miss Margaret’s advice at minute 1:30 for how become someone who can attract people who know how to “share” love rather expecting to “get” love.

With a willingness to accept responsibility for our own needs  — and tend to them as a parent would tend to a child’s needs —  we stop abandoning ourselves and start attracting relationships that are truly healthy and loving! 


Discover the 4 Most Common Signs of Self Abandonment, How to Heal Them, and So Much ore during Dr. Margaret's FREE Virtual Event 6 Steps to Finally Loving Yourself: How to Access the Love You Never Received & Live in Profound Joy

Have you been touched by Margaret Paul's teachings in this audio or elsewhere? How has loving yourself unconditionally changed your life or relationships? Share your thoughts in the comments below!