The Shift Network Blog

THE Key to Experiencing Deep Emotional Connection...
Dr. Margaret Paul
By Dr. Margaret Paul
Relationship Expert, Bestselling Author

There's a huge difference between wanting to get love, intimacy and connection, and wanting to share love…

Emotional intimacy with others can be one of the most satisfying experiences of life.

However, this sense of deep connection with another person (or a group of people), can only happen when each person is completely open-hearted and devoted to taking 100% responsibility for their own feelings and needs.

When you’re deeply connected with your true Self and connected with the love, truth and wisdom from a personal source of spiritual guidance, it’s then that you become filled with enough love to share with others.

This inner connection and ability to share love with others results in more joy, learning... and growth.

As you’ve likely experienced, emotional intimacy can be strengthened when you're open and vulnerable enough to share your fears, pain and challenges.

However, sometimes people get addicted to experiencing emotional intimacy through the sharing of their woundedness, rather than the sharing of their passions, creativity and joy.

While sharing pain with a partner is important, the relationship can become codependent and dysfunctional when it's the only way people experience intimacy.


Loving Yourself is Key to Experiencing Emotional Connection

When you need others to make you feel important, valuable, lovable and worthy, emotional intimacy is greatly hindered.

When others have to validate you for you to know that you’re okay, then you might find yourself trying to control how people feel about you through acting “right” or looking “right.”

Not only is this exhausting, it completely blocks emotional intimacy….

You can't be trying to control how others feel about you and be sharing your love with them at the same time.

A key step in learning to love and validate yourself is learning to access the truth of who you are from your higher mind — your evolved, spiritual self.

We tend not to believe what we tell ourselves from our limited ego mind, but when the truth of who we are comes through us from our higher self, we're much more likely to believe it.

Fortunately, hearing the truth from your higher self isn't as hard as you may think...

When your sincere intention is to learn the truth, you become more open to listening to your higher self.

Practice:
You can access this truth by imagining an older, wiser you. Ask this version of yourself to show you your soul’s essence. Imagine that you can see yourself as a small child, before you learned to judge, undermine or devalue yourself. Imagine all the reasons your older wiser self adores you.


How You Treat Yourself Matters

Another vital key in loving yourself and being able to share your love with others is how you treat yourself.

If you continue abandoning yourself through self-judgement, ignoring your feelings, numbing your feelings with addictions, or making others responsible for whether you're okay, it won't matter how many sweet and wonderful things your higher self tells you about who you are.

You have to stop this self-defeating behavior before you can internalize the truth of who you are. Self-abandonment traps you in feelings of unworthiness, which inevitably leads to neediness.

We can't create emotional intimacy when we feel needy of another's validation.

The more you learn to see, love and validate yourself, the more you'll feel emotionally connected with yourself and with others.

When you treat yourself in unloving ways, you invite others to do the same.

When you learn to love and validate yourself, the energy you project tells others you are worthy of being loved and validated.

The more inner work you do to heal the fears and beliefs that limit you and to become more open and honest with yourself, the more open and authentic you’ll be with others.

Practicing the Inner Bonding process is a powerful way of developing this intimacy with yourself and with others....

Through the daily practice of learning to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs, you gradually heal your fears and the limiting beliefs that block you from being open, honest and transparent with others.

Emotional intimacy is the outgrowth of your devotion to your own inner work.




The Remedy for Loneliness...

Emotional intimacy is what melts away loneliness.

We may feel lonely when we're alone, and just as lonely — or even more so — when we're with another or others who are focused in their heads instead of in their hearts.

Western cultures have stressed intellect much more than heart-centered feelings, which is a prime reason we experience so much loneliness.

Our loneliness goes away only when we are able to be open-hearted and authentically share our laughter, fun, joy, creativity, honesty, insights and love with each other.

When you're "stuck in your head," or you're with people who are stuck in their heads rather than living from their hearts, you may get stuck sharing your woundedness and your complaints instead of being in the loving creative flow that signifies true emotional intimacy.

Emotional intimacy feeds the heart and soul...

We are social beings; so without emotional intimacy and connection in our lives, we'll always feel that something is missing.

And by learning to connect deeply with ourselves and with our spiritual guidance, we open the path to the sharing of love, which is the highest, most satisfying experience in life.


PS - Intrigued by the insights shared above? If so, you're invited to download my free hour-long audio, Advanced Teachings for Fully Loving Yourself:

 

Dr. Margaret Paul
About Dr. Margaret Paul

Dr. Margaret Paul is the co-creator of Inner Bonding®, along with Dr. Erika Chopich, and author/co-author of several best-selling books, including Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By You?, Inner Bonding, Healing Your Aloneness, The Healing Your Aloneness Workbook, Do I Have To Give Up Me to Be Loved By My Kids?, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By God? Dr. Paul’s books have been distributed around the world and have been translated into eleven languages.

Margaret holds a Ph.D. in psychology and is a relationship expert, noted public speaker, workshop leader, educator, consultant and artist. She has appeared on many radio and TV shows, including the Oprah show. She has successfully worked with thousands of individuals, couples and business relationships and taught classes and seminars since 1967.

Margaret continues to work with individuals and couples throughout the world on the phone and Skype. She is able to access spiritual guidance during her sessions, which enables her to work with people wherever they are in the world. She also continues to conduct weekend Inner Bonding® Workshops and 5-Day Inner Bonding® Intensives. Her current passion is developing content for http://www.innerbonding.com, administrating Inner Bonding Village – the membership site, as well as distributing SelfQuest® – http://selfquest.com – the computer program that teaches Inner Bonding.

In her spare time, Margaret loves to paint, make pottery, read, ride her horse and spend time with her grandchildren.

Other posts by Dr. Margaret Paul

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