The Shift Network Blog

HOW Do You Fully Love Yourself? Discover the Process a Top Psychologist Recommends . . .
Jessa Hurley
By Jessa Hurley
Shift Team

What would happen if you were consistently loving — toward yourself and others — even (and especially) when the going gets tough?

How different life could be….

However, very few of us know exactly HOW to go about fully loving ourselves, despite thousands of self-help books and gurus proclaiming that self-love is the key to healing childhood issues, having healthy relationships and to a happy and purposeful life.

Dr. Margaret Paul has dedicated her life to teaching people the HOW of self-love.…

What sets “Dr. Margaret” apart is her approach… she is the co-creator of Inner Bonding (along with Dr. Erika Chopich) — a 6-step process, which provides the skills to take loving care of yourself, share your love with others, and be empowered to take full responsibility for all your own feelings and behavior.

(You know, the skills most of us should have been taught when we were young…)

When practiced consistently, the powerful psychological AND spiritual process of Inner Bonding can heal anxiety, depression, addictions and broken relationships —and bring more peace and joy.  

And those who have taken this journey with Dr. Margaret (including celebrities like Alanis Morissette and Lindsay Wagner) have been outspoken about the many ways this approach has helped them discover their true self-worth, access more inner joy and experience new levels of spiritual healing.


Watch this video for a brief overview of the 6 Steps of Inner Bonding:

 


So... what actually stops us from loving ourselves fully, warts and all?

Often, “core shame” is at the root, Dr. Margaret says....

“Core shame comes from the false belief that there is something intrinsically wrong with you — that you are inherently bad, wrong, defective, flawed, unimportant, unworthy, inadequate. As small children, if we didn't get the love we needed, we may have concluded that it was our fault, rather than recognize our parents' inability to love us in the way we needed to be loved.”

The problem, as she explains it, is that we grow up and (consciously or unconsciously) operate from a place of core shame as if it’s who we really are, we lose touch with the beauty of our true selves.

So what CAN you do about core shame and other issues which close you off to self-love?

Here are several suggestions from Dr. Margaret & the Inner Bonding Process:
 

  • Define Yourself Through the Eyes of Spirit:

    When you’re disconnected from your true essence and value, set an intention to learn about who you really are. You can only know this through the eyes of Truth and Spirit (however you choose to definite “Spirit”). The “wounded self” does not have the capacity to see the your true beauty. 

    However, as Dr. Margaret shares, “When you look at yourself through the eyes of Truth, you can begin to move beyond defining your worth externally, and learn to see who you are internally.”

     
  • Build Bridges to Learning:

    When you are stuck in the anger, blame, depression or numbness of your wounded self, the Inner Bonding process suggests finding a bridge that will take you into a state of loving openness to learning.

    Here are a few of these bridges:

Prayer:

“Of the many bridges you can use, prayer — especially a prayer of gratitude — is probably the most powerful.” She says, “Prayer can take many forms, such as dialogue, meditation, recitation or song. The choice is up to you. Some people have found that repeating a simple prayer of gratitude throughout the day helps them stay open to learning.”


Generosity:

Generosity is another bridge to opening the heart. Many of us focus on how we can get what we want or avoid getting hurt. But one of the quickest ways of moving out of a closed heart and into openness is to ask your guidance: “What can I give to myself and others?” Dr. Margaret says, “The moment you sincerely ask this question — with no attachment to its outcome — your heart will open and Divine Love will rush in, just as air rushes into your lungs the moment you take a breath. “


And if you are too stuck in your woundedness to pray from your heart, or you don't believe in prayer, then try these alternative "bridges"...

• Listen to music

• Take a walk in nature

• Talk with a friend

• Read spiritual literature

• Journal

• Draw or doing other artwork like sculpture or collage

• Dance

• Attend a 12-Step or other support group meetings

• Play with a child or a pet

• Let yourself cry

• Release your anger alone by yelling and pounding into a pillow

• Be held by a loving person 


While loving yourself doesn't happen overnight, it begins with a willingness to learn, and the fact that you're here shows you're already on the right path.
 


PS - Enjoy the insights included above? If so, you're invited to download Dr. Margaret Paul's free hour-long audio, 6 Secrets to Fully Loving Yourself: