Ever landed what you thought would be your dream job, completed an important project, or launched a product or service that relates to your “higher” purpose and felt… NOTHING… and even a little lost or depressed?
If so, how confusing this must’ve been if instead, you’d anticipated joy, a sense of satisfaction, of having “finally arrived.”
This is the all-too-common letdown that leaves many of us wondering, “what’s it all for?”
So what’s REALLY at play here — and how can you get traction on your goals and dreams… and truly celebrate success when it arrives?
Often, it’s the negative beliefs and patterns we take on as children that are in the driver’s seat, blocking our ability to fully receive good. Even more important, our emotional wounds can hinder our ability to discover and then FULLY manifest our soul’s purpose…
Jeffrey Van Dyk, an international speaker, strategist and guide for highly successful leaders and founders “in the second half of life,” describes negative beliefs and emotional patterns as core wounds, which “at a soul-level you know are fundamentally untrue.”
Ironically, our wounds BOTH drive and thwart efforts to build a life of meaning and purpose, in which we’re doing the work we love and for which we’re uniquely suited.
(See below for 3 Signs That Your Soul is in the Driver’s Seat... PLUS a brief VIDEO with Jeffrey, sharing about the power of moving from a wound-driven to a soul-driven life!)
The good news is that your soul is ready to take the wheel, provided you’re willing to do the work of healing your wounds…
And the rewards are sweet: More ease, joy and a sense of “rightness” about your life — and a bigger capacity to truly thrive in your life’s work.
Wounds such as “I’m not good enough,” “I’m not lovable,” “The world isn’t safe for me,” and “I’m unworthy,” no longer run you.
So what can you do to begin this all-important healing process?
You can start by understanding what differentiates a “wound-driven” life and from a life in which your soul — or essence — is in charge…
...And then bring this newfound awareness into each area of your life or work.
3 Signs that Your Soul (Not Your Wounds) is in the Driver’s Seat...
1. Your innate, soul’s desire naturally moves you toward what you want — rather than trying to drive your life forward by pushing away from your old wounds.
Pushing and striving is a sure sign that you’re reacting to your wounds. This is the old one-step-forward, two-steps-backward syndrome.
Conversely, you know you’re living from your soul’s desire you’re moving effortlessly towards it. Doors seem to magically open. You meet the right people, discover the right teacher, receive the exact funding you need to launch your dream project, etc.
If you believe you're unlovable, for example, you’re likely to try to make other people do the job of making you feel loved. You are unconsciously on an endless search for partners, friends, and others to show you're lovable — to prove to your “unlovable” voice that you are really loved!
Van Dyk calls this “outsourcing” the wound, which never works because other people can't overpower your own wounded beliefs. When you realize this outsourcing doesn’t work, it’s time to clean out and heal the wound.
2. You have more energy and feel more aligned with your Higher Self, making you a better leader, kinder friend and more loving spouse or parent.
You're no longer hijacked by old doubts and fears. This allows you to have a peaceful mind where you can easily “tune in” and hear the voice of your Higher Self or Source. When that voice is accessible to you anytime anywhere — and you trust yourself to act on it — you're no longer alone. Instead, you're guided with this spiritual partnership supporting your every move.
Instead of feeling like you are swimming upstream in your life, synchronicity and serendipity become your everyday norm! That's because you're tuned into the truth and your actions are aligned with the spiritual purpose of your life.
3. You experience success for what it is…. exciting, even exhilarating. You can take in accolades and financial rewards, but your accomplishments do not make you WHOLE… because you already are!
No longer are you run by those old unconscious beliefs in the back of your head saying things like, "you aren’t enough, people don’t want you, you’re a fraud or failure, you’re too much, it’s not safe here … and on and on and on."
Instead, you take the opportunity to heal your wounds and integrate these fragmented parts of yourself, you take a leadership role in your own life.
You learn to face head-on and ACCEPT the parts of you that feel unlovable, you become a more aligned leader and discover new sources of energy you can use in service to your calling and your purpose in the world.
And that power feels natural, easy and honorable. THAT’S the kind of power that can change the world.
Liberating Yourself from the Tyranny of Your Wounds
In the first half of life, we unconsciously set out to disprove the wound-beliefs we’ve taken on about ourselves, according to Van Dyk. Our psyches refuse to “be that thing” that some wounded part of us believes we are… unlovable, unsafe, unworthy, etc.
We may even seek fame and fortune, positions of leadership, projects and other goals to try to prove the wounded beliefs untrue! But no matter how much success we have and no matter how hard we try, external accomplishments are never more powerful than your own internal beliefs. No matter how hard you try, it’s never enough — that’s the tyranny of your wounds.
However, our wounds serve a definite purpose, according to Van Dyk...
All that work and struggle has built the exact skills you need to live your purpose!
This is the wounded healer syndrome — the addiction recovery specialist who grew up in an alcoholic family, the star basketball player who was told he’d never amount to anything, the life coach yet to fully discover her true passion.
When you understand this, it helps to make sense of the chaos of life and liberates you to make better relationships and career choices.
Your wounds made you who you are, but they’re not ALL of who you are.
When you see the higher purpose of your wounds and heal the pain associated with them, you liberate yourself from the tyranny of your wounds. That’s when you’re free to live, to lead and to serve from a place of wholeness and purpose.
So, what have your wounds trained you for… and where are you still trying to avoid the pain of your wounds rather than serving from the gifts of your wounds?
PS - Jeffrey Van Dyk shared more fascinating insights on this subject during an interview we did on working with, and healing, wounds. If you want to live a more soul-powered life, check out this video clip from our conversation:
PSS - Intrigued by insights shared above? If so, you're invited to download Tim Kelley and Jeffrey Van Dyk's free, hour-long audio, Getting Your Wounds Out of the Way: